For people that want to have kids or find themselves with a kid on the way. This may be a huge question. Unplanned or planned, things you don’t expect can happen. My wife and I have three kids. Ages 11, 12 and 15. As someone who started to have kids when I was twenty and now I’m thirty six, I’ve realized there is no right answer to this question. The real important question is do you want to have kids and are you ready to dedicate a major part of your life to their well being. It’s that simple. I thought, and planned, that I would need at least a million dollars in the bank. The reason is because of how much ‘they’ said it cost to raise children. Now I’m not saying raising kids is cheap, but it’s not as devastating in the USA as it maybe in other countries. We have so many programs to help growning families, it’s almost unreal. For my welfare reduction people, this isn’t the blog for that debate! So, If your thinking about it or expecting, I would like to tell you why it doesn’t matter!
We are sold, in The USA, a certain picture of what life is supposed to look like. Every movie, show, magazine and now social media. This becomes even more real when you think or are expecting to bring another life in to the world. Kids want love and attention. Full stop! Can you give them that? You’re ready then! Everything else is either a distraction or cherry on top. I can’t afford ____. =distraction! My kid goes to the prestige school of ____. =Cherry on top!
We have to think about when we were younger. Think of all the things you had, what did you want the most? Was it the prestige’s school, a big house, more toys, travel etc. I believe that with all those things being a cherry on top, that’s not what we really wanted. We may have not had the best food in the world, had the best outfits, or even lived in a house or apartment of our own. The one thing we wanted the most was a loving caring family. A mom and dad that loved us and was there for us. That doesn’t mean they were at every game or gave us whatever we wanted! That means we could communicate about whatever we had going on in life and they tried to take care of us the best they could. I remember growing up, I had both of my parents. Their were so many kids growing up without one or some neither of their parents. They would tell me how lucky I was. And, almost like a survivors guilt, I wondered why I did have both of my biological parents and others didn’t! As I’ve gotten older, I realized they just wanted to know the love and care of a mother and father. Not Disney World, not the latest shoe out, or to even eat out as much as we Americans do. No, it was to have the embrace of a family and love that one wants in life, especially from their parents!
Now, don’t get me wrong, the ‘distractions’ of being an adult and what we want for our kids is strong. We all want to give our kids the world and everything in it! But, I have a surprise for you! They don’t come into this world asking for it! I’m not going to sit up here and tell you I don’t want the best for my kids. As of this writing, I have my oldest turning 16 in a few months and trying to get her a license and car. You can have kids that grew up in the poorest of neighborhoods, no tv or new clothes in their life be just as happy as a kid that has the latest and greatest everything! The kid with everything thinks that’s what makes them happy. But, the other kid usually has only friends and family. They may want things, but that’s not bringing them happiness. Relationships with people bring us happiness. The park is free, enjoying goofy times, little moments, activities with each other are what feels like caring. As someone from New Orleans, deemed the murder capital of America at one time when I was younger;. I’m still amazed at how many kids were happy around me and actually grew up with confidence in who they were. Is that what you want for your kids, no fancy needed!
The ‘cherry on top’ can be deceitful! If we want to wait until we can give our kids everything, It may not turn out like you wish! We imagine our kids being so happy when they are first born that we decorate their room in the most lavish of items. Everything we could find in the baby section of our favorite retail store is in the room before they are born! Guess what, again, they didn’t ask for that. That’s for us! We don’t want to tie our kids identity in to things. That can lead to depression and worse if we are unable to keep giving them things or they can’t get it when they are older. Our kids today are so involved in electronics it’s ridiculous. If the power goes down or battery runs out, my youngest daughter says she’s bored and acts like the end of the world has come! I’m working on showing her when one thing doesn’t work, we must pivot to other activities, such as reading, writing and hobbies! We must realize that the world is not for us to give, but for them to explore. Think of some celebrities (not all) that gained fame, but then overtime found themselves in dark places. We always ask what happen? The truth is nothing. They had everything they wanted. They either had to do something that changed what we knew about them because there was nothing else to get or they became very depressed and some fatally.
In conclusion, Don’t let the world influence your decision on having kids. If your spouse and you want to have kids, right now is always the best time! Life is going to happen! You ask, what about my income? I answer, what if you lost the job and had to start over? You ask, what if I can’t get them i to a prestige’s school? I answer, what ifthey hate school and want to be a tattoo artist (you know who I’m talking about)? You say, I don’t know what the future holds? I say If you do, let me know too! We come up with excuses, but the greatest gift we have on earth is to have kids and raise them the best we can in our situation. If you have a wonderful situation, great! You’ll find out you don’t know everything and still wish things were different. If your situation doesn’t look so wonderful. Try to make it better, but, you’ll be doing that if you have a kid either way, like I had to do! It could be harder, but not many things in life worth having is easy!
Average Joe Chronicles 